The Coming of My Ruin, Age Tears the Spine.

My previous entry was about how good my mental health is doing. And before I go any further, it’s still doing well. But now that I have my mind in order, it’s time to get the rest in order. I need my physical health to be as good as my mental health. There was a point where I thought being physically healthy was easier than being mentally healthy. I don’t believe that now, although, then again, I was younger and had better metabolism back then.

All kidding aside, I have not put forth the effort to keep myself in shape like I used to. I need to find the time to do that. Or more accurately, I need to make the time. I need to lose up to 30 pounds. I need to put in the effort to do that. I need to be committed to that goal. I need to reach that goal. Even if it’s for a reason as simple as vanity. There’s a few really cool t-shirts that I have and they’re too tight on me now. I want to wear them comfortably.

Almost every single month, I “re-commit” myself to working out. And then something happens that derails my efforts and the next thing I know it’s the middle of the month and I say that I’ll re-start at the beginning of the next month.

I used to run 5k races. I’ve done as many as nine of them in one year. They stopped when the Pandemic started. I enjoy doing them, even the more difficult courses. I’ve said this many times, but no matter how quickly or slowly I finish each race, I feel good afterwards. Knowing that I’ve set forth a goal and completed it always feels good. The last batch of races that I did in 2019 were some of my slowest finishes. After those few races, I truly learned the definition of “exhausted.” I would expel every single last bit of energy that my body had to complete those races. Once I got back to my house, I would fall asleep almost immediately.

A few years earlier, after completing a race, I would be full of energy. I would want to run more. I would be able to do stuff afterwards. I want to get myself back to that place. I want to be able to get back to completing a 5k course in under 30 minutes. Well, let me be more ambitious than wanting to do it. I NEED to do it.

I am aware that by saying “NEED” and not “want” that I’m putting more pressure on myself which very well could impact my mental health if I don’t see progress. But, I believe that I’m consistent in my effort, I SHOULD see some results. I just need to be consistent.

I’ve never been “ripped” or “jacked” or anything like that, but a few years ago (before age 40), I was able to do a full pull-ups. I was able to complete a 5k race in under 29 minutes, even some of the more challenging courses. I want to be able to get back to where I was at that point. But, as I just mentioned, I’m older now and it’s legitimately a lot more difficult for me than it used to be. I don’t know if it requires twice the effort that it used to be, but definitely requires more than it used to.

Being overweight and out of shape is an obstacle for my physical health. I’m currently too out of shape to get good results. That means I need to put forth more effort to get results, but being as out shape as I am makes it difficult. It’s a circle of difficulty. However, honestly, the biggest challenge for me hasn’t been my physical challenges, it’s been mental. I’ve said this in previous entries. It’s so much easier for me to quit, stop trying, or just not commit. I don’t think it’s as easy for me as just telling myself “you need to do this.” I think I need to tell myself that and then force myself not to quit, while still trying to be positive about things. It’s going to be challenging for me. But, right now, failure isn’t an option.

This entry is being published on the last day of a month. That means that I’ll be re-committing myself to my physical fitness goals tomorrow. Although, to be honest, I’ve done a few workouts recently. I’ve even (slowly) completed 5k on a treadmill recently, so I’ve not been completely slacking.

I use these entries to get my thoughts into the world. I feel that if make some of my thoughts, sentiments, and fears public, I have to commit to the concepts that I’ve discussed. This is my public commitment to my physical health. I’m going to make progress. It won’t be instant. It may not be as quickly as I want it to be. It may be a lot more strenuous than I want it to be. It may be very difficult, but I will make it happen. I have to.

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