I’m sure I’ve stated this somewhere before, but my birthday is July 3rd. It’s basically at the very middle of the calendar year. As a result of that, it’s very easy for me to see my year as two distinct halves and I always get a little reflective at the end of each half.

With 2012 half way over and me about to celebrate my 36th birthday I could easily say that I’m not where I want to be in life. That statement may even be true. However, I’m not looking at it from that point of view. I’m looking at it from more of a “where am I going” point of view. And where I’m going is forward.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2012 simply “to make it better.” The year is now half way over. Have I made things better? I think I have. I still have a financial burden that I’m dealing with, but it’s less of a burden than it was 6 months ago. I still have some other burdens as well, but we all do. It’s just how we deal with them that matter.

Part of constantly going forward means confronting issues. I cannot and will not avoid, ignore, or run from problems. Problems need to be addressed and (if possible) solved. Unfortunately, sometimes those problems are due to other people and their refusal to acknowledge that a problem exists. There isn’t much I can do about those situations. I cannot change or help those that don’t want to change or be helped. Those people are the ones that avoid, ignore, or run from problems. I used to do that. It’s very easy to do that, but it got me nowhere. And nowhere is a place I don’t want to be again.

I never really had a sense of pride in myself until recently. I don’t think I was ashamed of myself, but I wasn’t proud. I guess that’s a result of always being made to feel that I wasn’t good enough. But, that was then. Now I can say without fear of sounding like I’m bragging, that I am truly proud of what I’ve become. And if it’s possible, I’m proud of what I will be.

I would not completely truthful if I said that the change of mentality that I’ve gone through was totally on my own. I did it with the help of good friends that understand and get me. It’s sad that up until I hit emotional rock bottom that I didn’t understand them (or me). But, like a phoenix, I’ve risen from those ashes and I understand people and friendship now. I’ve even been told by a few friends how much they like “the new me.” It really does my heart good to hear that. It means that I’ve done well and it’s noticeable. I don’t know if I can thank those friends enough for everything.

As for what I said about not doing all of it on my own, while I couldn’t do it without the help of friends (and professional help) I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I didn’t recognize that I had to. And that is the difference between addressing issues and avoiding, ignoring, and running from issues. Change does not have to be a bad thing. I know it can be a frightening, but change is necessary for progress. It’s basic evolution. Change or die.

Much like my last blog, “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Balance,” I was looking through some song lyrics for the title of this entry, but didn’t find anything that fit my mood. When starting the draft, I put “tbd” in the title spot. But once again, I think I stumbled upon the name. Because this journey I’m on did not truly begin on January 1, 2012. It began on July 3, 1976. This journey’s end date is “To Be Determined” and I AM determined to continue my pursuit of balance and I AM determined to make sure that whenever it does end, I’m proud of what I’ve left behind. I think I’m going in a good direction. Will my good direction continue? I think that can only truly be determined by me.

I used to blog somewhat regularly on MySpace. For various reasons, including a lack of people going to that site anymore, I stopped doing that. Twitter is also a factor in my lack of blogging. Instead of writing down a random thought and using it in a blog, I would instantly put that thought on Twitter. And trust me, I did think about using a compilation of tweets as a blog, or even a book, like Denis Leary did. But then again, I’m not famous enough to get away with that.

I was going to use lyrics for the name of this entry, like I normally did, but after jotting down a few ideas, “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Balance” came to me and I realized that it was perfect for this. And I’m sure that those three items will be recurring themes in my blogs. Especially, my pursuit of balance.

So much about me has changed over the last few years. I’m not going to rehash the details of that. But, if you’re a new reader of my words, or just want a refresher, feel free to check out older blog entries at MySpace.

I’ve had so much time to think about life. Where I was, where I am, and where I could be. I know they’re all connected. Where I was got me to where I am, and where I am will get to me to where I’m going. I just process all of that data differently now. It’s really all about perspective and balance.

The “balance” theme came to me a few months ago when I had a conversation with a friend and I attempted to compliment her by telling her how balanced I thought her life was. At first she laughed at me and thought I was nuts, but a few days later she told me that she saw what I was talking about and realized it was indeed a compliment. Something in those conversations really clicked in my brain and that’s when I realized that I need to find a balance as well.

“Balance” can be difficult to attain, but it’s doable. It’s all about finding the way to get it. For me, it means lots of things, even as simple as trying not to spend more money than I make. That was an issue with me for many years, and I’m paying for it now (literally and figuratively). It’s also about managing time and energy. “Balance” can almost encompass all you do, if you can get there.

Getting back to the financial thing for a moment. Not too long ago I started my path to financial recovery. And let me state that my own personal financial ruin are not a result of America’s financial perils, and I’ll touch on that fact later. I just spent A LOT more than I had. But, after enlisting in a program to help me deal with my debt I can say this: I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I am in the tunnel. One of the simple things I recently started doing, after a few years of neglect, is balancing my check book. Yup, balancing my check book. Almost to the point of obsession, but it’s needed at the moment.

So, about what I said about my financial issues compared to America’s. I recently attended a wedding and gave a monetary gift to the bride and groom. Unfortunately, I had to tell the newlyweds to NOT cash my check until a specific day, since I knew I wouldn’t be able to cover it until then. Someone overheard me say that and said “that’s Obama’s America for you!” Just take a minute to think about that. Are you done? It was the opinion of this person that MY lack of funds is directly related to our nation’s lack of financial recovery from the collapse that happened during the previous Presidential administration. I could have debated his “point” but I know that would have been incredibly futile. However, there is one definite correlation between my money problems and the country’s. And that is during a relatively short time period, we both spent more than we had and now we have to pay for it. I’ll touch on the ignorant point of view that I mentioned in a later post.

I’m sure I’ll return to many of the other themes as well. I feel like I’ve come so very far from where I used to be and I refuse to return. There is no future in the past, there are only memories. Yes, those memories can help shape and guide your future, but that’s all they should do. And I’m learning that now.

In addition to the few topics I already said I will revisit, I also expect to discuss topics such as:
– Potential difficulty in choosing a 2012 Album of the Year.
– Why I am not running for President in 2012
– My opinions of WWE programming.
– How access to water may impact politics and the mental capacity of voters.

I’m sure I’ll have more random thoughts to put up here as well. It’s good to once again have a viable forum to unpack the baggage. And I certainly have some to unpack as I pursue life, liberty, and balance.