I was on the treadmill the other day, which, if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you’ll know is a victory in itself. The struggle for consistency is a battle I fight daily, and some days, the snooze button wins. On this particular day, however, I had the right music on—some mid-90s alternative rock—and I was feeling pretty good, right up until the point where my knee started to remind me, quite forcefully, that I’m no longer a spry kid running in the park.
It’s always something, isn’t it? Just as one thing starts to click into place—the new running shoes are finally broken in, I’ve managed three solid days of mindful eating, I even finished that time management book I started months ago (the irony is not lost on me)—something else has to pop up to test my commitment. It’s my own personal, real-life quest for balance, and the world seems determined to keep the scales tipped wildly in all the wrong directions.
I’ve written about this before, about how for every personal win, there’s a setback waiting in the wings. It’s like a pro-wrestling script where the face (me, trying to be healthy) finally gets some momentum, only for the heel (Anxiety, physical pain, general malaise) to hit a cheap shot with a folding chair. Wham! Momentum instantly gone.
This time, it’s a new orthotic insert causing a different kind of foot pain, which then puts more strain on the knee that was already an “area of opportunity.” I laughed at the corporate jargon term when I was in retail, but now I see my life is just a series of those areas. Weight loss, time management, sleep quality—all opportunities for improvement.
The important thing, I’m trying to tell myself, is to not let the setback become the story. The pain is real, and it needs attention, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop moving. Maybe the new “remix” of my resolution is to swap the high-impact treadmill for some good, low-impact DDP Yoga for a few weeks. That’s the beauty of having so many tools at my disposal, I just have to remember to use them and not let the inertia of a temporary issue turn into a permanent block.
Because as I’ve learned from watching my favorite action heroes and villains, a good plan can always be adapted. Cobra Commander had a million schemes, and G.I. Joe always had to adjust on the fly. And hey, even if I have to scale back today’s workout, the simple fact that I put my thoughts into words here is a victory, right?
I’m working on seeing the opportunity, not the failure. I’m working on me.
Everything above here in this entry was written by AI. I asked Google Gemini to write a blog entry that sounds like me. It did. The amount of specific things that are mentioned is a bit marvelous and frightening at the same time. The Internet is a wonderful tool. AI is a wonderful tool. Sometimes I wonder if our technology is getting too smart for our own good.
I will be back in December with my 2025 Album of the Year blog entry and my usual year-end entry. And yes, I will have personally written them.
Like many people of my age, I spent many days after school watching G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero on TV. Along with Transformers, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Voltron, and Robotech, it was of my favorite cartoons. I always knew the cartoon was a little bit cheesy and the animation was cheap, but none of that mattered. I was fully entertained for the 30 minutes that I spent watching it.
There were a few episodes that stood out to me as favorites or very memorable. I even learned what deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) is from the 1986 mini-series in which Doctor Mindbender created a super human to lead Cobra by extracting DNA from the unearthed remains of some of the greatest generals and conquerors of all time as well as other notable historic figures. I was in 4th grade when I saw that and I very clearly remember being excited and proud that I knew the answer to “Does anyone know what DNA stands for?” when it was asked in my high school biology class. I knew the answer, and remember kids, knowing is half the battle.
But, when it comes down to just one episode that I say was my definite favorite, the one that I remember the most, it would be the one that aired on Tuesday, December 2, 1985. No, I didn’t know that date from memory, I went to IMDB.com to find it. The episode was called “Cold Slither” and in the episode Cobra Commander is informed that his organization is broke and he needs a quick scheme to make money. He comes up with the idea go have a gang that he often works with, Zartan and his Dreadnoks become a rock band to they can control the masses with subliminal messages, make money, and take over the world. It seems like a good scheme, right?
The band that they create is called Cold Slither and their eponymous song was a big hit, until GI Joe put a stop to all of, as they do.
I’m not going to spend this entire entry going over the plot of that episode, although, I could. But, if you want to see it, you can just click the link right after this sentence and enjoy its greatness for yourself. https://youtu.be/NGBpP2B83E8?si=X2N_YNay_UufKCsS
As I said, this episode was the most memorable of the series for me. For 40 years, the “Cold Slither” song was in my head. Occasionally, I would go back and watch it for fun. Last year, I even bought a Cold Slither t-shirt from 80stees.com, which does not sponsor me, but I’m plugging them anyway. So, as you can tell, I am a fan of that episode.
Earlier this year, I saw a post that there would be a San Diego Comic-Con exclusive 40th anniversary collection of Cold Slither action figures, featuring Zartan and the Dreadnocks in their Cold Slither attire. I thought that was pretty cool, and was glad to see this great episode getting some attention.
Just about two months ago, YouTube suggested a video to me, it was called “Cold Slither – Official Lyric Video, The Anthem That Shook the World.” Naturally, I clicked the link (and you can too, right here) and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was a new recording of the classic Cold Slither theme song. I immediately went to the Google and discovered that there was a real band going around as Cold Slither now and not just that, they had played a show in conjunction with the San Diego Comic-Con, and were going to be playing a show when the New York Comic-Con would be happening just about on month later. Being that I live near New York City, I had to know more.
After confirming the date of the concert, I informed my girlfriend about the show and how much I wanted to go. She agreed to go with me, so I got the tickets. I listened to their full-length album a few times before going to the show. Yes. They have a full-length album, and it’s good. Is it good enough to appear in my Top 10 Albums of the Year blog that will be posted in late December? You’ll just have to wait to find out.
The show itself was loads of fun. They start off with the GI Joe cartoon intro, and then Cobra Commander appeared on a screen to discuss how he didn’t like being in New York, due to that incident on the Statue of Liberty in 1987 (see the opening of the 1987 GI Joe movie for that reference). From there, Cold Slither took the stage and played all of the songs from their album. The final song of their set was “Cold Slither.” The song from the episode. I sang along. Every word. I had a huge smile on my face, and I felt emotional. I’ll explain more about that in a minute.
The encore for the band was them coming back and singing “Cold Slither” again, but this time with more audience participation. At their San Diego show, the encore included an appearance by Jem (yes, the actual singer from the 1980s Jem cartoon) to sing the Jem theme. We didn’t get that, unfortunately. That would have been truly outrageous. Yeah, I said it.
When the show was over, the band did a meet and greet downstairs. They were all in character. Ripper handed out donuts while talking about how he wanted some grape soda, while Torch and Buzzer talked about how much they wanted some as well. As someone who knew the characters, I was loving every second of this. I got to speak to Zartan, the singer for a moment. I said “this may sound weird, or it may make a lot of sense, but I can’t thank you enough for tonight. I’ve been singing that song for 40 years and to be able to do it tonight was so much fun. Thank you. As you can probably tell, I’m a fan.” Zartan rolled down his arm band a bit to show me a GI Joe themed tattoo and he said “So am I. Thank you.”
While, on the surface, my conversation with Zartan was nice and it was just two people showing their appreciation for the legacy of the cartoon and the franchise, as a whole, it was a lot deeper than that. Being that I liked the band so much, I wanted to know more about the individual members and the bands that they’re in. Zartan is portrayed by Gus Rios. He’s played drums in bands such as Malevolent Creation, Gruesome, and Left to Die. That’s a good resume, but that it isn’t what made an impact on me. It was his story about depression, his attempt on his own life, and how as a child, his toys such as GI Joe and the Transformers were his friends.
I found that to be very powerful. I often locked myself away in my basement and played with the GI Joe and Transformers toys that I had. I would sometimes mix in the Star Wars toys too in a massive intergalactic war, but I digress. I don’t know if playing with the toys and feeling connections to the characters had as deep of an impact on me as it did with Gus Rios, but I could relate to his story. I’m glad that he was able to share it. Not just because it’s a good story, but because he’s with us and he got to enjoy being a part of the lore that he enjoyed so much as a kid.
You never know what someone is going through. You never know how much something as simple as attending a concert, even one that is featuring a band based on one episode of a children’s cartoon from 40 years ago, can mean to someone. I had a great time at that show. It was a very memorable experience. By no means did the show attract a large crowd, but it attracted people who were very passionate about what they were about to see (and some significant others that were with them to support them). And the people that bought the tickets enjoyed 60ish minutes of nostalgia in the form of heavy metal music, and some videos in which I’m pretty sure Cobra Commander indoctrinated all of us into his “ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.”
Was this a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me? It very well could have been. Yes, it meant that much to me, and others. The GI Joe and Transformers universe mean that much to me. Their recent co-existence in the new Energon Universe comic books is what brought me back to the world of comics. So, as I said those 60ish minutes were magical. And for the time that I was there, I felt like I was (said in Destro’s voice from the “Revenge of Cobra” mini-series) “on the roof of the world.”
In what seems like a lifetime ago, during my retail days, I would hear lots of corporate jargon. Upper management would feed us terms like “area of opportunity.” I couldn’t stand that term when I first heard it. I also didn’t really understand it. Now, I am a bit older. I’ve (possibly) become a bit wiser. I do understand it and I’m working on some areas of opportunity in my own life.
Understanding the term is not enough. It is important to understand that something I haven’t accomplished is not a failure. Something I struggle with isn’t a loss. Both are opportunities for improvement.
One thing in my life that I’ve had consistent struggle with lately has been my weight. No matter how much I want to lose weight, I haven’t been able to do it. I have so many tools at my disposal to be healthier and to get the work done, but I haven’t been able to do enough with it. I know that it isn’t just that I’m not getting results, but I haven’t done enough. I’ve had success before, and I will again. But, there’s more factors at play here too.
Another thing that I really need to time management. If I managed time better, would I be able to have more time to do some more work on exercise and my weight? I started reading a book earlier in the year about time management, but I still haven’t finished it. There’s irony there. One of the lessons that I read and learned from the book is about how people often sacrifice personal time in favor of work. We’ve been programmed to feel worse about not getting tasks done than if we don’t do something for ourselves. In my case, I think that I need to realize that my exercise/weight loss work is both personal and a task.
I like when I achieve goals. Even the simple ones like making sure that I come home to a clean room with a made bed after going out. Finishing a 5k race is a great feeling for me, even if my time is slower than it used to be.
Some tasks need more time and effort than others. I need to do more for myself. I need to find ways to get things done. I need to come up with ways to find, or make, time to guarantee that my goals are met. And that includes things like writing this particular entry.
I’m enjoying my life a bit more than I’m used to. Things are good for me. Perhaps I should put more focus on things like that and not the things that aren’t good. But, as I stated earlier, it’s the programming. My lack of success is more prominent in my mind than my success. But, if I changed my mindset, I would not think of lack of success as a failure. Instead, I should see it as an “area of opportunity.” Maybe then I’ll be enthusiastic about the opportunity to fix it. Enthusiasm is better for me than negative thoughts. I guess my mindset about areas of opportunity is also another area of opportunity for me to work on.
Just two months ago, I wrote an entry about the gratitude that I have for friendships. It touched on a few other things, but the inspiration for that entry was a brief conversation with a friend that I knew through running local 5k races. A few weeks ago, I read a post on Facebook that stated that 5k friend had died. I was (and still am) crushed. He had a heart attack at the very start of a race and that was it. That was a not so subtle reminder of how quickly everything can change.
I’ve definitely had my share of loss. I battle depression. I have anxieties. I’ve been dealing with all of that for years. Being down for so long and not having much to show for anything has made me appreciate so much of what I do have. I have so much gratitude for being here. I have gratitude for the things that I do. I have gratitude for my friends. I’m just very grateful. Perspective keeps me grounded, I believe. But, as obvious by what I said at the start of this entry, bad things can happen. And also, as I’ve often said in entries, it’s another reminder to “enjoy every sandwich” and take nothing for granted.
At one point last year I was at a Professional Wrestling show. I was talking about how grateful I was for the privilege of being gifted those seats and how surreal things can be in my life at times. I was then reminded that both of the people that both of the people that I was attending with could very well have not been there. To be clear, that doesn’t mean that they could have not attended. It means that they had both had scares over the year or so before and may not be with us anymore. I felt silly for being happy about expressing my gratitude for complimentary tickets, since in the grand scheme of things, that wasn’t the important aspect of that moment.
I’ve made jokes about my quest for balance and how I often achieve that by having major setbacks just as something really good happens. A good case being my new car two years ago. I just got a promotion and a significant pay increase. My car broke down very soon after that and I needed to get a new one. And there went my extra income. I’m very much aware of how much better off I am now with the new car. However, I don’t have the extra money.
Life, in general, is full of things like this. It seems that no matter how close I get to goals, something backfires somewhere. I’ve been proverbially under water for most of my life. And to make it worse, I can’t swim. But, I digress. I’ve been under water. Very often I see the life raft and I reach for it, but just as it’s within reach, I’m pulled back down.
My instinct is to shut down. My instinct is to make myself uncomfortable. My mind tells me that I deserve the suffering. My mind tells me that this is how it’s supposed to be. I know that isn’t the right way to do things. My overall shift from misery to gratitude has done wonders for me. I know that I’m so much better off (mentally and emotionally) than I’ve ever been. And yet, I’m still in the same place.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve made bad choices. I’ve also made some very good choices. In the very near future, I may have to make some difficult choices. I may need to make some big changes. As much gratitude as I have for all that I have, could I have more? Would having more in some places mean having less in others? I don’t know. How much time do I have to get things right if all I’m doing is trying to get them right? Will they ever be right? How perfect do I need things to be?
I think the path I’m on, while often a rollercoaster with lots of detours, roadblocks, and traffic stops, has led me to a fork in the road. There are various directions this can go. I want to be able to enjoy every sandwich and be successful. Perhaps I just need to modify my concept of what all of that means.
As I always state in my late June entries, my birthday is in early July. Because of that, I really do see my calendar years as distinct halves. And I will always start to look back at what’s happened over the past six months and, in this year’s case, look back as the 49th anniversary of my birth is just days away.
This upcoming birthday is a tough one for me. It’s the last one before the big “five o.” For the past few years, I’ve seen myself as being on a roller coaster slowly heading towards 50. And, I’m heading towards the last descent to it. That particular age milestone is on the horizon. I feel this reflective entry may be deeper than others I’ve made.
If I compare myself to where I was at this point last year, it’s a bag of mixed results. I was in a weird emotional place last year. I faced things that I’ve never faced before. I don’t want to face them again. I’m financially better off, in the sense that I make more money than I have before. I’m financially the same in the sense that my expenses don’t go down and I have trouble saving anything.
My weight has blown up to the highest that it’s ever been. I am very much aware of that. I know that as we get older, it is much more difficult to lose weight. Getting in shape also becomes harder. I’ve made good progress before and I WILL make good progress there again. It requires a lot more dedication and effort than I’ve ever put in before. It will need some lifestyle changes. I’ve been taught the lessons. I just need to put things in practice (again) and good results will happen.
Sometimes I wonder if my overall progress in life is stunted by emotional trauma. Can I not move past things into new chapters because I’m too scared to do it? Some of you may find this difficult to believe, but I do sometimes overthink things. Sometimes, a lot. I usually convince myself that I will fail if I do things differently.
One of the things that I’ve attempted over the course of the past year is to be more mindful. I’ve attempted daily (guided) meditation. I say “attempted” because I can’t shut my mind up when I do it. It drifts often. I don’t get too discouraged. The guides often say, “if you’ve drifted, now is a time to come back.” The truth of the matter is that I do enjoy my effort here. I feel that it’s helping me.
I’ve always had difficulty thinking about my future. This may go back to the trauma thing. I can’t picture what my life will be. I’ve only been able to see what it is and what it was. There’s been some change there as I’ve recently been able to see what I don’t want my life to be. If that makes sense. It does to me. That’s a good thing, right? I know what I don’t it to be. I just have to make sure to not end up where I don’t want to be. I believe that’s a step in the right direction.
I had planned to reference my first full length entry on this site during the course of this one. I will do so. When I went back in the archive, I looked at THE very first entry. I think it sums up the previous paragraph pretty well. Although, after reading it I wonder if I’ve made any progress in life. Am I overthinking all of it by saying that? Or, is it possible that the previous paragraph shows that I’m finally getting there?
The first full length entry that I did on here was called Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Balance. I published it just over 13 years ago. I’m still pursuing that balance. I’ve often joked that the balance is that I’ll be thriving in some parts of life while suffering in others. I wish that was less of a reality than I perceive it to be. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.
After reading that entry, I’ve realized that I didn’t discuss some things that I said I would. But, I digress.
Earlier this year I started reading a book about time management. It’s a really short book. The irony that I haven’t finished this book isn’t lost on me. But, I did get some valuable lessons from it. The one lesson that stood out is the importance of taking time for myself. Not in a selfish way, but to make sure that my needs are met and not to put sacrifice “me time” for work that can be done later. That doesn’t mean that I should procrastinate. It means that I should do those things when I can. I’m trying really hard to abide by that. It’s a difficult task at times.
I have said things that imply that I have doubts about the direction of my life. However, I assure you that it’s just due to my instinct. This instinct is due to the programming of my mind. I do believe that I’m heading in a good direction. I’m heading towards a life where I could get the encouragement that I’ve lacked, the fulfilment that I’ve never had, and the happiness that (dare I say) I deserve.
How do I get there? How does the impending milestone birthday next year fit in to this? Is 50 THE time to finally make these things happen? Is it the mile marker in which I decide if my life is a success or not? Life and time move so fast. They both seem to move so much faster as we get older. Earlier I said that I’m on the descent to 50. What if I’m not? What if the roller coaster that I’m on is actually climbing towards a peak? What if this isn’t a valley? What if I am actually rising?
Does it sound like I’m trying to convince you or myself of the possibilities? Both are probably true. Either way someone could believe it and it could end up being me.
My biggest hope right now is that when I write my entry one year from now, while I’ll be days away from 50 is that I look back at this one and say that I did believe in me. I want to be able to say that there’s obvious positive change and obvious progress. Time may be moving quicker, but there’s time to make it happen. I have work to do. We know the work is SO important.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve told people that “it never gets better, it just gets easier.” In general, I stand by that. But some days, it’s not as easy as others. One day per year, this one in particular, is one of those days.
I may not clearly remember what I did yesterday. However, the events on this date, 15 years ago, are etched into my memory with incredible clarity. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long since I lost my mother. The more I think about it, the more I realize the passage of time. In just two years, I’ll have been without her for half as long as I had her. I think that fact alone is what is hitting me the hardest today.
I’ll never have a more complex and complicated relationship with anyone than I had with her. I’m completely sure of that. I don’t know where I would be today if things turned out differently. I don’t know what path I would have traveled in life. For the most part, I like where I am today. I’m in a much better mental and emotional place than I’ve been in for a very long time. I appreciate so much more than I used to. Would I be here now if things were different on this date in 2010? As much as I love a good “what if?” story, it’s probably for the best if I don’t go there.
There’s a lot of things that I want to say and there’s a lot of things that I’ve never said about all of this. I know that talking about things is good, but I don’t know what the point of discussing all of it would be. It won’t change anything. I can’t change anything.
And since I don’t know what else to say about everything right now, I’m going to do the do the same thing that I’ve done a few times in the past and go back to the first time that I publicly spoke about any of this and re-post a blog entry from 2010 that I originally posted on MySpace.
Thanks for reading.
My Guitar Gently Weeps July 8, 2010
Being that my birthday falls in the beginning of July, I see my year split into equal halves. I’ve discussed this in previous blogs. I’ve also discussed how I usually get very reflective during this time of year. I look back on the year and try to figure out where it’s gone and then figure out where I need to go. For the past two months, I’ve been more reflective than ever. I’ve not just looked back on the last six months, but I’ve looked back on 34 years that I had with my mother.
I lost her at the end of April and it’s been a rough few months ever since. I’m not going to get into details about the circumstances, as I don’t feel the need to do so. As a generally private person, I feel there are certain things that should remain private, so that’s what I’m going to do here.
For almost 34 years, she was here with me. For almost 34 years, I had a meal waiting for me every day. For almost 34 years I knew what I was coming home to. And since the end of April, I don’t have any of that.
One of the things I’ve noticed about my memories of my mother is how perspective on them has changed. Many of the things that had negative thoughts associated with them have been pushed aside and positive thoughts are prevalent now.
My mom and I were both die-hard New York Yankees fans, but didn’t go to games. She spent a great deal of her childhood in the Bronx and went to countless games at the Old Yankee Stadium when it was in its original form. It tore her heart out when they renovated it in the 1970s. She often told me of the tears she shed while going past it on a train and seeing the walls being torn down. She was pregnant with me on April 15, 1976 when they had the grand opening of the new Yankee Stadium. The changes were so severe that she never wanted to go back. While I was always a bit upset that she didn’t want to take me to games, her stance on the ballpark helped to create my old school baseball purist mentality. For those of you asking why my dad didn’t take me to games, well, he grew up in a National League/Yankee-hating household, so it wasn’t an option.
When old enough to go to games on my own, I finally did. I managed to see some good ones too, including David Cone’s Perfect Game in 1999. Ironically, my mom was originally going to go to that game with my sister, but the heat was too much for her that day and she backed out. Her not going allowed me to go.
2008 was the last year the Yankees played in that particular building and I told her she HAD TO go to a game with me at that place. There were no options. On April 6, 2008 we finally attended a game together. It was a chilly Sunday afternoon game. We saw the Yankees beat the Tampa Bay Rays, 2-0. The score of the game was not important to me, all that mattered to me was that I finally got to a game with my mother.
And a little side note, the Yankees have since moved to their new stadium, and I haven’t gone to it. I wonder where I get that from.
While we didn’t agree on many things musically, there was one artist that we always agreed on, Dion. She grew up in his neighborhood, and kind of knew him from the town. While she was more of a fan of his early doo-wop stuff, I liked his late 80s stuff and the blues albums he did over the last few years. We got to see Dion perform in 2009. I knew it was going to be a special time, but I had no idea how special it was going to be. The smile I saw on my mother’s face that night was amazing. She had been brought back to her childhood and the more simple things that go along with it. He played all of his classic songs and told stories of the neighborhood, and my mom was hooked on every word. It was seriously one of the best things I had ever seen, she was overwhelmed with joy.
Ironically, my mom often said I go to too many concerts and didn’t think I needed to see the same band over and over again. Dion was playing in our area again a day or so after the show we saw and she had thought about getting us tickets to that show as well, but unfortunately for us, it was sold out.
Obviously, there was a lot more to my mother’s life than the Yankees and Dion, but they played a huge part of her life. It’s all about her time in the Bronx, and one those two particular days I was able to bring her back to things from her childhood, and what I saw in her face those days was just magic to me.
I’ve had to learn a lot of things very quickly over the last few months. Things that I probably should have known earlier, but didn’t need to know, since she took care of them. Things like cooking and how to properly take care of our birds. I think I’m doing a decent job adjusting to that. The cooking part will take some work, but what I’ve done so far has been good.
Another thing I learned, and again, I probably should have realized this before is just how incredible my friends are. The support they’ve given me during this time has been downright amazing. They’ve greatly helped me get through my days and provided me with a great outlet when I need it. But should it surprise me? That’s what friends do. I just hope that I can be as good to them when it’s needed as they’ve been to me.
In last month’s post, I discussed how much I can’t stand bullies. I also talked about how the current American President is a bully. I’ve continued to see him act as a bully. I almost discussed how much I can’t stand intolerance and bigotry. I’ve seen more intolerance and bigotry.
I’ll be completely honest, I have no idea what to write here today. Based on what I’ve seen on the news over the past week, I’m at a loss for words. I’ve witnessed the American president lying about easily provable facts. Other countries’ leaders have corrected him. He then continues with the lie. I’ve watched as the United States of America sides with Russia and North Korea in refusing to condemn Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. I’m stunned into silence.
I enjoy history and politics. I wish that I had enjoyed history in high school as much as I do now. Yet, that’s neither here nor there. I read a lot about American history. I like watching documentaries about it. I like listening to podcasts and discussions about it. I think that I have a pretty good understanding of it. With that understanding of history comes an understanding of which policies are better for society and which are not. And with that comes the understanding of which sides proposes policies that are better for society and which side proposes policies that are good for the few.
I try not to use the words “Republican” and “Democrat” when I discuss policy because the parties have switched. Yes, it’s true that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and he freed the black slaves. Yes, it’s true that the founders of the KKK were Democrats. Those are indisputable historical facts. But, it’s important to understand how they’re almost irrelevant today based on the current political alignment of the two parties.
Teddy Roosevelt left the Republican party in the lead up to the 1912 Presidential Election. He took the majority of the progressive Republicans with him. They eventually started to side with the Democrats. By the time Franklin Roosevelt was President, the Democratic Party was almost all of the Progressives. The Civil Rights movement of the 1960s further prompted the shift. Conservative Democrats who were still around moved to the Republican party. This move (more or less) finished the switch.
When I registered to vote, I registered as an independent. I had the mindset of “I’ll always vote for the best person, regardless of political party.” And, I still think that’s the best concept to have. But, the concept isn’t as good as the reality. I am no longer and independent. And I’m proud to be registered as a Democrat. It’s increasingly more clear every day. This is especially true in the past few years. It’s the Left and the Democrats that do more for society.
A few years ago, I read (former Senator) Al Franken’s autobiography. I loved the book. Why wouldn’t I? It was about someone who was a Senator, a writer for Saturday Night Live, and someone whose opinions I basically agreed with and understood. He spoke very well about why he was a Democrat. He watched as Republican policies held people down. He spoke about how it was Progressive policies that helped family members of his get out of their financial struggles. He got it and he did his best to keep it going while in office.
I’m closing in 50 years of age. Many people in my generation are struggling with money. Very few Generation X married couples can survive on single income households, like our parents did. What’s different? Did our parents work harder? No, the economic balance switched. When our parents were growing up under the economy that Franklin Roosevelt set up after the Republican Great Depression (as it was originally called), the people who had the most money were taxed the most and the working class were taxed less and could provide for their families. When Ronald Reagan changed the tax system in 1981, he basically reversed it. The rich were taxed less and tax increases on the middle class were common.
Since 1981, there’s been more tax cuts for the rich and more tax increases on everyone else. It’s simple to see the impact that this has. Our infrastructure is crumbling. Our schools are failing. People cannot make ends meet. It doesn’t take a statistician to figure it out.
How does economy and Right vs. Left policies tie into the bullying and bigotry that I started with? All you have to do is look at what’s happening. The Right is in control at the moment. They’re using the power that they have to bully anyone that they feel is weaker than them. They’re using their power to bully minorities via policy and poverty. They’re using their power to push LGBTQ citizens back “into the closet.” And since the “leader of the free world” is the biggest and loudest bully out there right now, so many others feel emboldened by his words and actions.
The Left meanwhile, for over 100 years, has been trying to provide healthcare, equal rights, and economic stability.
We are not the same. I want nothing but the best for everyone. I don’t want people to feel less than. I don’t want people to be treated as less than. I want people to have equal rights, equal opportunities, and success. The only way to do that is with progress. And we’re currently going backwards. It’s not good. I haven’t lost hope. I’ve just become very discouraged. But, what I’ve learned about history shows me that I’m on the right side, the compassionate side. And eventually, it will be okay… at least, I hope so.
I have no tolerance for bullies. I have no tolerance for people in power enacting policies that belittle people. I have no tolerance for hatred. I have no tolerance for bigotry. I have no tolerance for intolerance.
I’ve been the victim of bullies. I vividly remember the fear that I often had while walking the halls of my high school. I vividly remember the dread that I often felt while walking home from high school. I didn’t fit in. I had long hair. I read comic books. I wasn’t one of the cool kids. And others made it a point to mock me for my interests. Sometimes, they would even physically hurt me. I survived. I’m in a very good place right now. But, I’m very scared about the rise of bullies.
The once and current President of the United States is a bully. He’s a racist. He’s a bigot. He does not care who he hurts as long as he helps himself in the process. He has zero compassion for minorities of any kind. Women, people of color, LGBTQ people, and basically any religion that isn’t a form of Christianity is likely to be targeted by him. And his barrage of public bullying has enabled and emboldened a rise of bullying, hate crimes, and overall discrimination.
Many people use the cliche statement, “I have many (fill in minority category here) friends.” Then they make decisions that hurt those alleged friends. Claiming to have black friends doesn’t give you the right to make decisions that hurt them. Claiming to have LGBTQ friends doesn’t give you the right to deprive them. And yet, that’s what many people do. It happens way too often.
The United States of America has come a long way. If you wanted to argue that the USA has not made a lot of progress with equality, I wouldn’t argue with you. Recent events have set progress back, possibly for decades. Yes, the country is inherently filled with systemic racism. Yes, a lot of policies benefit straight white men over anyone else. But, progress towards equality was being made. As slow as it may have been moving, that progress was happening. As of late, I don’t feel like we’re moving forward at all.
If we must use political labels, I am a Progressive. I want progress. I want every single person, regardless of who they are, to be treated equally. I want them to be able to paid fairly. I want them to have access to affordable health care. I want them to be able to get legally married. I want people to be able to fulfil Thomas Jefferson’s concept of them having unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The ability to pursue life, liberty, and happiness is not easy for some people. For many, it’s an outright painful struggle.
I like reading about history and politics. I know how got to where we are today. I’m not going to get into that particular topic in this entry. Discussing it would turn this into a novel. I like to understand thing. I’m also okay with not understanding some things. There’s a lot of things in the universe that I don’t know the answers to. Not understanding something doesn’t usually fundamentally upset me. However, for the life of me, I cannot understand why people need to be cruel. I cannot understand why people need to belittle differences. I cannot understand why some people think it’s acceptable to take away rights from innocent human beings. And not only don’t I understand any of that, it really does upset me.
I don’t usually end my entries like this, but I want to thank you for reading this one. Please do something to make a positive difference in someone’s life today. The world needs it.
1 – Cemetery Skyline – Nordic Gothic 2 – Lonesome Wyatt & the Holy Spooks – Afraid 3 – Opeth – The Last Will and Testament 4 – Scott H. Biram –The One & Only Scott H. Biram 5 – Human Impact – Gone Dark 6 – Kings Never Die – The Life & Times 7 – Mushroomhead – Call the Devil 8 – The Black Keys – Ohio Players 9 – Gangastagrass – The Blackest Things on the Menu 10 – Civerous – Maze Envy
Some years when I hear an album for the first time I immediately know that it will be ranked very high in my Top 10 Albums of the Year list. Cemetery Skyline’s Nordic Gothic is one of those albums. Cemetery Skyline is a “supergroup” consisting of members of Amorphis, Omnium Gatherum, Dimmu Borgir, Sentenced, and Dark Tranquillity. I’m a fan of most of those groups and familiar with the others. Dark Tranquillity’s contribution to the band is their singer, Mikael Stanne. He can belt out some tremendous Death Metal growls when needed and he can also croon very well. This album has a mellow, gothic sound to it. There’s only clean vocals on it, and it’s just so good. Over the course of a few months, they released one single after another and I liked every one of them. There was no doubt that this record would be my 2024 Album of the Year.
Some of the tracks that I liked the most include: “In Darkness,” “Behind the Lie,” “The Coldest Heart,” and especially “Violent Storm.”
I first became aware of Lonesome Wyatt from his work in Those Poor Bastards, who have appeared on this list a few times. I’ve usually preferred his work with the group to his solo stuff, but this year seems to be the exception since both acts put out an album. Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks’ album, Afraid, much like Nordic Gothic won me over right away. I knew it was good and it never bored me when I listened to it. Those Poor Bastards also put out an album in the year, but I’ll get to that later. Wyatt’s unique sound and creative ways to describe misery are entertaining and I’m glad that this album was ranked so high. I find it impressive after his 6th place finish last year.
“The Woods” starts the album well, with “Too Late to be Afraid,” “Kewpie Doll” and “The Chills” standing out to me.
I think a common theme of this list will be albums that I did not expect to be so good. We started with a supergroup that put out a great record, we then had an act that has put out of a lot of material over the past few years and seems to be getting better, and now we have Opeth’s latest album, the Last Will and Testament. I’ve been listening to Opeth for close to 25 years and I thought they released so many great albums. Their 2005 album, Ghost Reveries, was that year’s Album of the Year. What I really liked about them was the mix of Death Metal vocals, clean vocals, and how their songs took me for a ride with their changes in tempo and direction. Opeth’s singer, Mikael Åkerfeldt, abandoned the Death Metal growls during albums about 15 years ago. He would still break them out in live shows. So, when the first single from the Last Will and Testament, “§1” was released, I was very surprised to hear growls on it. The return of the growls wasn’t enough to get a high ranking on this list, but it was enough to get my attention. I’ll admit that the album took a few listens, but I can safely say that it deserves its rank as the 3rd Best Album of 2024. I really like how they’ve managed to take the more recent Prog sound of the band and mix in the Death Metal style that they used to be more known for.
The tracks on the album are all named “§1” through “§7” with the final track called “A Story Never Told.” I think “”§1,” “§3,” and “§4” are my favorites.
The One & Only Scott H. Biram is an good name for an album by Scott H. Biram, the Dirty Old One Man Band. As obvious by what I just said, he’s a one man band and I’ve never seen anyone quite like him in concert. His albums have a unique style and I’m very glad that it works so well for him. This particular album stands out as one of the best that he’s done. If you like a one man country blues, punkish, gospel, occasionally growling show, you should check him out.
I recommend the opening track “No Man’s Land,” “Easy Rider,” and “Inside a Bar” from the album as tracks to check out.
Until a month or so ago, I didn’t know that Human Impact had released an album in 2024. The algorithms must have failed me. Nonetheless, I did find out about their album and I’m glad that I did. Gone Dark continued the sting of good albums from this “American noise rock supergroup.” I’m not quite sure what that genre is, but I guess it’s Human Impact.
“Destroy to Rebuild,” “Collapse,” and “Disconnect” were my favorite songs from the album.
Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks are not the only act to have albums in my Top 10 list two years in a row, as Kings Never Die also have one. Their second full length album, The Life & Times surprised me. I pretty much know what to expect from them. I’ve seen them so much since their formation a few years ago. But, even with my familiarity with them The Life & Times was better than I expected. If you like NJ/NY Hardcore, I would definitely recommend this album.
I think it starts off great with the title track and jumps right into another great song with “Bigger They Come, Harder They Fall” and it keeps up the strength from one song to the next. “Can I Get a Witness?” may be my favorite song on the album. It’s just a good one, especially live in concert.
Mushroomhead appearing on this list is not a surprise to many. I’ve been a fan of theirs since 2003. They even had the 2014 Album of the Year with the Righteous and the Butterfly. What first drew me to them was the dueling vocals of Jeffrey Nothing and J Mann. Over the years, J Mann had left and came back. They had Waylon Revis on vocals with Nothing for a while. What I liked about the Righteous and the Butterfly was that it featured all three of the singers that I liked. However, none of them are with the band now. This album took a while for me to fully like it. I couldn’t get past the singer differences for a while. But, I did my best to listen to it with an open mind and I realized that it really is pretty good. If you liked Mushroomhead and may have given up on them, I would recommend that you give them another chance, like I did.
The first single from the album was “Fall in Line” and it caught my attention, the songs that kept it and I liked enough to rank this album as the 7th Best Album of the Year include “We Don’t Care” and “Grand Gesture.”
Algorithms failed me again. I didn’t know the Black Keys had released an album. I found out a while after its release. Still, Ohio Players is a good album that I expect will be often be in my queue to listen to. The Black Keys put out mellow rock albums that I can dedicate my full attention to or have playing in the background and still get something out of it. Ohio Players reignited my fondness for them.
The album starts hot with “This is Nowhere,” continues strong with “Don’t Let Me Go,” and I think it peaks with “Only Love Matters.”
It’s only natural that my Top 10 Albums of the Year list includes a bluegrass hip hop group, right? Well, Gangstagrass is that band and they’re making another appearance in one my Top 10 Albums list with their latest album, The Blackest Thing on the Menu. I became aware of them a few years ago and I saw them live not long after that. I was instantly hooked. They’ve released two albums since I’ve known of them and both have made the list.
Like other albums that I mentioned here, this one also starts off well with “The Only Way Out is Through.” The second song “Good at Being Bad” is my favorite from the album. I also recommend “Obligatory Braggadocio.”
The 10th Best Album of 2024 is Maze Envy by Civerous. This band was recommended to me earlier in the year by a beertender that I’m friendly with at a local brewery. I had never heard of them and when I searched for them, I saw that they had a new album out. I listened to it, and it was obviously to my liking enough that it made my Top 10 list. It’s a good Death Metal album that I can relax to. I know that may seem like a weird concept to some people, but I do find this type of music calming.
If you were to give this band a try, I suggest “Shrouded in Crystals,” “Endless Symmetry,” and “Levitation Tomb” as songs to check out.
There were a lot of good albums in 2024. Some others could easily have been listed in my Top 10. Here is a listing of other albums that came out during the year (in alphabetical order by artist):
Body Count – Merciless – A good Body Count album. But, not a great one. Chat Pile – Cool World – This album sounded a lot like Nirvana. I wasn’t really expecting that. Dark Tranquillity – Endtime Signals – A pretty good album, but it was overshadowed by Cemetery Skyline, in my opinion. IDLES – Tangk – It was okay. Kittie – Fire – This album was very close to making the list. Ministry – Hopiumforthemasses – The album starts good, but it doesn’t hold my interest beyond the first few songs. The Pineapple Thief – It Leads to This – Nothing stood out. I was disappointed. Robert John & the Wreck – Red Moon Rising – Good Southern Rock. I would like to hear more from them. Scars of Solitude – Under Disheartening Skies – They’re Finnish. They’re depressed. They’re not bad. A Swarm of the Sun – An Empire – This will probably be played in the background a bit. It’s good atmospheric dark metal. Those Poor Bastards – Back to the Primitive – It started okay, but didn’t hold my attention. Wyatt’s solo album was better. Warren Haynes – Million Dollar Whisper – This album was comfortable for me, but not outstanding. Weather Systems – An Ocean Without a Shore – I guess this band is the follow up to Anathema, who were great. So far, Weather Systems is just okay. Zeal & Ardor – Greif – It had its moments, but it just wasn’t good. Reviews said they tried to modify their formula, and I did hear some shades of Porcupine Tree’s Prog style in it. And no, I did not spell the name of the album incorrectly.
I’m not sure who will be releasing albums in 2025 other than Lacuna Coil (winners of Album of the Year in 2016) and The Halo Effect. I’m hoping to hear good things from all of acts that I’ve mentioned and I also hope to find a lot of new acts, like I did this year.
A note about eligibility for my 2024 Album of the Year: – the album must have had a United States release date in 2024. – the album must be new material (for the band or artist). – live albums are only eligible if they’re new material.
There was a time in my life when I was very angry, almost all of the time. Let’s just call it “My Twenties and Early Thirties.” I have no idea why I was angry. I just was. I said that the anger kept me going. It was the energy for me. But was it really?
Anger is exhausting. It’s heavy. It can be all consuming at times. And what does it do for you? Where does it get you? For the most part, I think it’s pointless to feel that way so often.
I understand that not every situation in life will work out as you hoped. People, places, and things can upset someone to the point of anger. But, it’s best to let it go.
There was a time, not too long ago, when I wouldn’t believe that I was saying these things. I’m not talking about the anger part, I’m talking about the letting it go part. I would like to think that I’ve grown up a little bit, maybe matured slightly. I know my audience here is very limited, so please don’t go around telling anyone that I’m looking at things from a mature perspective. I wouldn’t want my image to be ruined. Obviously, I’m kidding about that. I certainly don’t want to be thought of as the angry person that I was.
I’ve tried different techniques to calm myself recently. I’ve even attempted meditation, but I’m really not good at it. I am not (yet) capable of clearing my mind enough to get the best results from it.
But, as far as meditation goes, I know that a lot of breathing goes into that. And I posted an entry a little while ago about breathing. It’s such an incredible tool. Yes, it’s the literal foundation of our lives. If we don’t breathe, we don’t live. Controlling the breath is vital. Using it to calm down is essential. I’m proud of my efforts in this area.
I may have been obviously angry or depressed 20 years ago. I hope that now, I am seen as grateful. I really do have so much gratitude right now. I could easily focus on how little I’ve achieved by the standards of society. It could to appear to some that I’m very behind the curve. Still, lately I’ve really been focusing on how much I DO have. I’m grateful for the opportunities presented to me.
I’m grateful that I have the chance to right some wrongs. I’m grateful that I have the tools to make the necessary improvements in some areas of my life. I just need to apply myself more.
I’m grateful for the simple things that bring me joy.
I’m grateful that I get to start fresh on my diet and exercise plan tomorrow, since it’s a new month.
I’m grateful that anyone bothers to read this.
I’m grateful that I’m in a good place right. I hope to stay here for a while.
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