It’s Always Darkest Right Before the Dawn.

Sometimes my blog entries have a darker and very pessimistic tone to them. The one I wrote at the end of June of this year definitely had that. In that post (and others I’ve written), I was feeling like I was stuck. There was no chance of any improvements in my life. I had a job that didn’t pay enough, didn’t offer me affordable health coverage, was 30 miles from my house, and I was 100% paycheck to paycheck. My social life seemed to be stuck as well. I was feeling that everything I had worked for a few years ago was gone. There wasn’t much hope left.

One month later I wrote an entry that talked vaguely about possible changes in the near future. I said there was something on the horizon that could (and should) make my financial situation better. I was optimistic, but cautious. It seemed too good to be true. It seemed too long of a time to wait. I had some doubts that it would come to fruition. But, it happened.

Just a few weeks ago I started a new job. It’s SIGNIFICANTLY closer to my house and just a lot better for me, for many reasons.

For the past few years, I’ve felt burdened by basically anything I had to do. Driving an hour to and from work is exhausting. My 8 hour work shift took up at least 10 hours of my time. The stress of getting to and from work was draining me of all of my energy. I didn’t mind the job itself, but it wasn’t healthy for me.

Household chores were beyond just chores for me. They took significant emotional effort from me to get them done.

I couldn’t read books. I tried. I had no energy to concentrate on them. My days off were spent doing things that didn’t require a long attention span. While doing these things that didn’t require a lot of concentration, I would get upset that books I’ve started weren’t being read.

There seemed like there was no escape for me. That was what my life had become and I had to accept it. I had to deal with it. No matter how miserably depressing of an existence it was.

In just a few weeks at the new job, I’ve noticed a significant difference in my days. I’m getting more rest. I’m more relaxed. I’m working out more. I’m getting things done. I’m not necessarily more energetic, but I think that’s mental. I don’t think my mind has adjusted to the changes.

I still haven’t experienced all of the benefits the job has to offer. But, I am experiencing the one that may be most important. My quality of life seems better. Just a few weeks in. I cannot stress that enough. This is a good thing for me.

I have done some form of workout every day this week. Sometimes twice per day. I haven’t done that consistently in years.

Waking up doesn’t seem as difficult as it did a few weeks ago. Although, I did quickly learn the minimal amount of time needed to do whatever I have to do in the morning before work and I’ve utilized that knowledge a bit. But, even knowing that, I’m still a lot less stressed.

For the first time in a very long time, I have concepts for things I want to do in the future. I haven’t been able to have any real forward thoughts for a very long time.

While I’m actually optimistic about things at the moment, there’s still that little voice in my head telling me that this is too good to last. I’m doing my best to ignore that voice and any and every instinct that tells me not to enjoy this.

Yeah, that entry I wrote in June was dark. And I’ve always been a firm believer (based on evidence) that things usually get a lot worse before they get better. Well, things did get worse for me. Time and time again. Maybe this is my dawn. Maybe this is when things start to get better. When I’m at my lowest points, I take life day by day. I mentioned that I’m thinking of things for my future, but I’m still going to take life day by day and enjoy the ride, for as long as I can.

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