My Vision Now is Incomplete. I am Affected by the Warmth.

As I’ve been struggling to find things to write about recently, I’ve also noticed that I usually have a hard time finding something to write about during this time of year. So, this entry should be amazing. (Insert eye roll here).

Not having been had any major depression issues for a while now, I feel like this blog has been suffering. Trust me, I’m glad to have such a problem.

In the past, many of these entries are planned out. A thought, feeling, or mood comes to me and I’ll start writing notes. It could be something like “childhood trauma caused by bullying.” I’ll start writing examples of that happened to me that pop into my mind and I can write an entry from there.

After I have the basic structure for an entry, I’ll start actually writing something. In many cases, the original entry will be rewritten many times. It’s very rare that I’ll just write something and immediately publish it. I have to be very fired up for that to happen.

This entry is an example of one that has no structure, no preconceived concepts, and no real idea of where it’s going. Although, I did think about writing about a high school teacher or two that actually did encourage me and how much of an impact that has on things like this entry. But, I’ll save that for a future entry that is actually thought out and well written.

I do have some concepts for blog entries that I plan on writing in the somewhat near future, but those entries are about specific things that correspond to specific dates and I’m holding off on them for now. There’s one in particular that I know I’m going to have a very difficult time writing. Some people may be able to figure out what that particular topic is. But, regardless of that particular entry, I think I may need to just start thinking about more topics.

It’s actually possible that I may have an idea for my next entry. That basically depends on how something goes for me over the next few weeks. I’ll be learning some new things that could be very good for my blog entries. No, I’m not implying that I’ll be learning things that’ll make me depressed. I’m just saying that something could be interesting and help me. And that it could make for an interesting topic.

There used to be times when I would have two or three months worth of blog entries ready to go at any given time. There were times when I wouldn’t end up publishing some of those because what I was feeling when I originally thought about it may have changed by the time I got around to actually writing the full entry.

I used to think that having a “writer’s block” was a bad thing. But, in this case, maybe it isn’t. I write about my battles with depression. I haven’t had too much to write about for a while. There’s no way to say that’s not good. It may just mean that I have to work harder to have blog entries of substance. And that is something I’m going to work on, because this lack of misery is really killing my creativity.

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